It's Monday morning, the first proper rest day post Christmas and the first of the 6 I'll take as holiday before putting on my dog collar and resuming 'normal' service. I should be asleep, having turned my alarm off, booted the snoring husband to the spare room for one night to guarantee unbroken sleep. Instead, it's 07:33 and I'm wide awake, processing....
Vicars - well, ok, perhaps just this one - are caught up between the two ends of a tug-o-war rope.
At one end, the annual cycle of events and services, patterns of worship, seasonal 'must do it like this' moments - and I spent a day putting them in my diary through 2015, along with observations as to how they'd gone this year, reminders ahead of time about publicity and planning, and notes as to whether they needed tweaking or completely re-thinking. Also at that end are the nuts and bolts of management: the fabric of a Victorian building which shows itself again and again to be a huge frustration when it comes to welcoming and hosting a total of almost 900 people over the 5 services on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day: the growing and pressing need for staff appraisals, especially in the light of one who refuses to be a team player and instead presents the world with the sour and disapproving face of the Church: the Budget that doesn't give anyone a sense of joy: the expectations (from Diocese, local clergy, people in the pews, teenagers in the youth group, Church Council, Leadership Team...) that I will be the catalyst for church growth (just like in the golden days when Revd *pick your favourite vicar from past years* was here) ........ The list goes on......
And at the other end of the rope?
Well....
.... The quiet, but persistent question, "what's the Jesus-point of all this?"
And I have 2 problems.
You see, the 1st rope end could be any organisation trying to run itself efficiently, develop its staff, make its buildings fit for purpose, balance its budget when money (and generosity) is short, and present its purpose to the public in an engaging and attractive manner. An entire Church Council can go by with no mention of God...
And whereas Jesus should be at the other end of the rope taking the strain and shouting encouragement, I look and see that he's tied it to a tree and has disappeared somewhere else.... And I really want to know where he's gone and what he's doing. 